Dear anyone who made a sexist, homophobic, racist, transphobic, or any other discriminatory comment last year.
2012 was a big year for you all wasn’t it? We had some biggies last year; a horse being named sportswoman of the year, homosexuality being called worse for people’s health than smoking, being told that women were ‘destroying the joint’. It was a big year for bigoted statements.
I have to say I understand. It’s an easy thing to do. I can even imagine how it happened. Maybe you were chatting with some mates about your next piece and with a few beers in you naming a horse the ‘sportswoman of the year’ seemed like a great joke. Maybe you were making some comments about a political enemy behind closed doors that you thought no one would ever hear. Hey, you may just identify as a bigot and believe this stuff (if that’s the case, then this article probably isn’t for you). Now, I’m not saying that this is an excuse. You probably should have got how awful your comments were before you put words to paper. All I’m saying though is that I understand how it happened.
And of course therefore, I see how you could never have predicted the sort of reaction you received. You know, and everyone else should know, that you’re not a sexist, or homophobic, or a racist. You’re not a bigot. And, despite the way I may react to what you say, I probably believe you (although I definitely know some of you – looking at you Jim Wallace – probably do identify as a bigot in some way. Again this article is not for you). For you, it was a just a joke, or maybe some just some charged up language. Can’t we all just bloody well lighten up?
Yet, in looking back on 2012, and a pretty big year of discrimination, I think it’s maybe about time you, and I, started to think about what we’re saying. Because in many ways I don’t think it was your comments that caused the real stir, but in reality your reaction had the greater impact.
As writers, people who make public comment, and even just as members of our community, I think it’s our responsibility to be constantly thinking about the impact our words have on others. As a writer myself, I try to be constantly aware of the potential impact my writing could have. In fact I obsess over it, and am constantly amazed at the reactions it does have. I’m pretty sure all public commentators work like this to some level.
Yet, there is a difference between you and me. Maybe it’s because I’m gay. I’m one of those minorities that we all love to laugh at and have therefore expressed annoyance, even outrage at someone else’s joke, and then been told to lighten up.
But maybe through that experience I’ve learnt something important about being a writer, a commentator, and just a human being. Because, in being surprised at how people react to our comments, I think it’s important we start to actively think about what we are saying. Part of the responsibility of being someone in the public space, is to be constantly, and actively, thinking about the impact of our work. We have to be thinking about it all the time – both how our jokes will give some people a laugh, but also how it may hurt some others.
And if we don’t think of ourselves as bigots, what that means is actively standing in people’s shoes and thinking about their life experiences with every word you write or every word you say. Yeah, I understand how you don’t get how people have reacted to you – that sort of reaction is just probably not within your world view. But as a person, it is your responsibility to think about that – to think about your readers – and most importantly to question whether what you are doing is hurting others.
And unfortunately, that’s not what I’ve seen from many of you. For example Phil Rothfield (who names a horse the sportswoman of the year), as the reaction to your piece spread, I saw you tell a pretty prominent comedian and feminist, Wendy Harper, to ‘pull her head in’. Alan Jones, your press conference after the ‘dying of shame’ comments may have been one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The amount of times I’ve seen politicians, commentators and comedians arch their back up about some comments just makes me ill. And I can understand why – you probably feel defensive about it – it’s about your reputation.
In doing so however, you’ve failed a basic test as a human being and a commentator. When you get a reaction like this, you have to listen, think, and reflect. You have to put yourself in other people’s shoes, and then even if you still don’t agree with them you may start to get a sense of where they’re coming from.
Everybody makes mistakes – we all at times make jokes or comments that are insensitive to others. Everybody insults somebody at some point of time or another. But the true test of a decent person, and importantly, a decent commentator, is your ability to reflect on why you may have insulted someone, and even think about how you could stop yourself from doing it again. If you can’t even do this, then you probably shouldn’t be saying anything at all.
The Moonbat 